Certain parenting books really spark interest . . . from the title alone. A recent find, “How to Hug a Porcupine: Negotiating the Prickly Points of the Tween Years,” is a perfect example. We all know how tricky — and prickly — parenting can be.

The author, Julie Ross, executive director of Parenting Horizons, shared  tips for talking to your kids about sex, drugs and alcohol.

She suggests that there’s a definite window of opportunity in terms of when to engage in conversations on these important but “prickly” subjects.

“If you put off these conversations until the tween years, that uncomfortable period of time when your child’s body is changing, her emotions are in flux, and her resistance to taking advice may be at an all time high,” she explains.

Here are some tips from Ross on starting and continuing these important conversations:

1. Know the facts. When you’ve gotten your child to sit down for a talk is not the time to be fumbling around for the right words. Prepare ahead of time so that you know exactly what facts, issues and values you are going to communicate.
2. Give your tween a choice about when to have the conversation. Do not, however, make the choice open-ended. Say something like: “I want to make sure you have the information you need about sex/drugs/alcohol. Would you like to have the conversation now or after supper?”
3. Don’t be deterred by the age-old “Oh Mom, I already KNOW all that stuff.” Say: “I’m sure you already have the information and it’s my job to make sure that I, personally, communicate it to you as well. When would you like to meet?”
4. When you discuss sex, be sure to include your values by saying something like: “Sex is an important and life-changing decision and should not be taken lightly. It’s an intimate and pleasurable experience, but only with the right person and in the right context.” Children live up to our expectations, so it’s important to communicate our positive expectations, not our negative ones.
5. When talking about alcohol, state your expectations clearly. You might say something like: “Underage drinking is illegal and I know that you’ll respect that.” Talk openly about the dangers of drinking to get drunk.
6. When discussing drugs, have the facts. A good resource for up-to-date information is theantidrug.com.
7. Keep the lines of communication open, and talk openly and often. Refrain from “laying down the law.” If you come across as harsh, unyielding, unwilling to listen or judgmental, it will drive your tween away and cause rebellion.

—  Amy Kossoff Smith, BusinessofMotherhood.com

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