When your child wants to live with your ex
If you’re divorced and you have children, you may worry that one day your child will decide he or she wants to go and live with your ex-spouse. It’s a question that can nag at you, particularly as your child heads into the teen years. Here are some answers to frequently asked questions about this hot divorce topic.
If you have primary custody of your child, can your child choose to live with the other parent? Many states have a statute that states the age a child can choose to live with the other parent. What does this mean? Assuming mom is the primary parent with custody, can your child simply state he or she wants to live with dad and that’s the end of it? It’s not that open and shut.
Doesn’t the court have some say in the decision? The child can state his preference, but the court will take into consideration all of the factors of the case not just the preference. This is especially true when the child is younger. As the child becomes an older teenager, the court will place a greater weight on his preferences, especially since it’s difficult to force a visitation schedule on a teen in the first place.
If the mom disagrees with the change and a court battle ensues, what’s next? The parties will need to conduct discovery of each other’s cases to find out exactly why it is that the child desires to live with the other parent. If a social study is done, the caseworker for the social study will talk with the child and the parents to find out why the child wants to live with the other parent. The judge may also want to interview the child alone in chambers. The child may also have a counselor who could weigh in on his preference.
You need to be very careful when relying on the child’s preferences and how you handle this issue because it forces the child to choose one parent over the other and the courts don’t want to put a child in that situation.
Many times through this process the real reason comes out as to why the child really wants the change. It could range from one end of the spectrum that the child is tired of mom’s rules and discipline and he perceives the grass to be greener on the other side at dad’s house to the other spectrum that mom has serious issues such as neglect or drug abuse and the child wants out of that environment. Usually, the truth will come out as the case unfolds.
Who makes the final decision? The court has to decide only what’s in the best interest of the child by looking at all of the facts surrounding the case and applying it to the law to make a ruling. It might be easier in the long run to allow the move on a temporary basis only to see how the child handles the change and then determine whether the change should be made permanent. After all, if the child truly thrives better under the other parent’s care, then isn’t that what’s most important?
— Nancy Perry, divorce360.com
ok i have a very important issue. i am 31 yrs old; im in college almost finished. i have 5 great children. i have a 13 yr old daughter who will be 14 on december 30th 2009, also i 12 yr son, 9 yr son and twin girls that are 8. Me and the father have joint custody of the oldest 2. and there is no custodial parent. My oldest daughter which is 13 almost 14 wants to come live with me and the father refuses and i mean absolutely refuses to let her. Its an arguement all the time about it. how do i go about getting her. since, i have looked up the laws and they don’t leave it up to her to make the choice its the courts. what do i need to do?