Family reviews: 'Land of the Lost,' 'Hangover,' more
LAND OF THE LOST
Rating: PG-13 for crude and sexual content, and for language including a drug reference.
What it’s about: Disgraced scientist discovers all his theories about parallel universes are true, to his dismay.
The kid attractor factor: Dinosaurs, aliens and Will Ferrell.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Just because Matt Lauer thinks you’re crazy doesn’t make it true.
Violence: An arm yanked off, assorted beastly attacks, mostly for comic effect.
Language: Surprisingly off-color — lots of profanity.
Sex: Mating and masturbation jokes aplenty.
Drugs: Pot is joked about, hallucinogens are consumed.
Parents’ advisory: Not even remotely a younger kid-friendly film, more a Will Ferrell movie for the crass 15 year-old in us all.
THE HANGOVER
Rating: R for pervasive language, sexual content including nudity, and some drug material.
What it’s about: Bachelor party pals get blasted in Vegas, lose the groom and can’t remember what happened the night be-fore.
The kid attractor factor: They’ll buy tickets to “My Life in Ruins” (PG-13) but sneak into this.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Never drink with a stranger with mental problems, and “That’s gay” as a put-down never gets old.
Violence: Threatened.
Language: Pretty darned profane, even by today’s standards.
Sex: Nudity and Heather Graham.
Drugs: Lots.
Parents’ advisory: As politically incorrect as comedies come these days, with more “Don’t try this at homes” than any movie this year.
ANGELS & DEMONS
Rating: PG-13 for sequences of violence, disturbing images and thematic material.
What it’s about: Symbols expert Robert Langdon helps the Vatican find four kidnapped cardinals and the bomb that may blow up Vatican City in this thriller from the “Da Vinci Code” folks.
The kid attractor factor: It’s like “National Treasure” _ with Catholic clues instead of U.S. history clues.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Science and religion should get along better.
Violence: Eyeballs are ripped out, throats are slit, people are burned, drowned, etc.
Language: Pretty clean.
Sex: Not even a hint.
Drugs: Injections.
Parents’ advisory: As violent but more action-packed than “The Da Vinci Code,” so kids over 12 may be able to sit through it.
BATTLE FOR TERRA
Rating: PG for sequences of sci-fi action violence and some thematic elements.
What it’s about: The dying human race attacks a peaceful alien planet.
The kid attractor factor: Space battles aplenty, and a cute robot.
Good lessons/bad lessons: “Never lose hope. There are always alternatives” to violence.
Violence: Animated sci-fi, and people die.
Language: Clean.
Sex: None.
Drugs: None.
Parents’ advisory: The youngest kids might not get its messages, but tweens and teens will – if you can get them to see a cartoon.
DRAG ME TO HELL
Rating: PG-13 for sequences of horror violence, terror, disturbing images and language.
What it’s about: A banker is cursed and spends three days avoiding being dragged to you-know-where.
The kid attractor factor: Alison Lohman and PG-13 horror, catnip to kids.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Foreclosing on a gypsy could get you cursed (and, no, that’s not a good lesson).
Violence: Horrific, but with little blood or gore.
Language: Some mild.
Sex: None.
Drugs: None.
Parents’ advisory: Teen friendly, not too violent, though the gypsy stereotyping might be offensive to some.
EARTH
Rating: G.
What it’s about: A documentary trip from pole to pole, showing endangered polar bears, embattled elephants and other creatures from nature in their natural setting, a setting that is challenging due to climate change.
The kid attractor factor: All sorts of funny, cute critters.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Make every day Earth Day.
Violence: Lions attacking an elephant, sharks eating seals, nature being natural.
Language: Disney clean.
Sex: None.
Drugs: None.
Parents’ advisory: A solid sampler of the best material from BBC nature documentaries.
FAST & FURIOUS
Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, some sexual content, language and drug references.
What it’s about: An F.B.I. agent and his former quarry team up to drive delivery cars for a Mexican drug lord with the idea of taking him down.
The kid attractor factor: Fast cars, faster women, Paul Walker.
Good lessons/bad lessons: “Nothing really matters without a code.” And not just anybody can drive like this.
Violence: Brawls, shootouts, very bad driving.
Language: Some profanity.
Sex: Suggested, pursued.
Drugs: Heroin is a plot device, Coronas are consumed.
Parents’ advisory: Teens will almost certainly take the wrong message about driving from this theme-park ride of a thriller.
FIGHTING
Rating: PG-13 for intense fight sequences, a sex scene and brief strong language.
What it’s about: An Alabama boy turned New York hustler makes his mark in unsanctioned, no-holds-barred mixed-martial arts fights.
The kid attractor factor: Channing Tatum of “Step Up 2: The Streets” stars.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Even hustlers gets hustled.
Violence: Vicious brawls, a minor shooting, not a lot of blood.
Language: Rare moments of profanity.
Sex: Suggested.
Drugs: A hint of alcohol.
Parents’ advisory: Pretty violent in spite of its sweet streak.
THE HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT
PG-13 for some intense sequences of terror and disturbing images.
What it’s about: A stressed family moves into an old funeral home and is shocked, SHOCKED, to see ghosts.
The kid attractor factor: Things that go bump and “boo” in the night.
Good lessons/bad lessons: If the rent is cheap, there’s probably something the Realtor left out.
Violence: Yes.
Language: Not as much profanity as you might expect.
Sex: None.
Drugs: Alcohol is abused.
Parents’ advisory: A horror movie that is Amityville-ish in tone, with shocks but not gore.
HOTEL FOR DOGS
Rating: PG for brief mild thematic elements, language and some crude humor.
What it’s about: Orphaned kids take in and take care of stray dogs in an abandoned big city hotel.
The kid attractor factor: Oodles of poodles, bushels of boxers, and dozens of dachshunds.
Good lessons/bad lessons: There should be no such thing as an unwanted child, or dog.
Violence: Slapstick, though dogs that go to the pound face death.
Language: Disney clean.
Sex: Teenagers have been known to sneak a smooch.
Drugs: None.
Parents’ advisory: Perfectly suitable for small children, say 10 and under.
KNOWING
Rating: PG-13 for disaster sequences, disturbing images and brief strong language.
What it’s about: A scientist gets wrapped up in a page covered with numbers that comes from a time capsule, numbers that seem to predict future disasters.
The kid attractor factor: Spooky horror meets mysterious sci-fi. And Nicolas Cage.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Listen to the crazy people.
Violence: Spectacular plane and train accidents.
Language: Some profanity.
Sex: None.
Drugs: Alcohol is consumed.
Parents’ advisory: It’s a bit harrowing for 10-and-unders.
MONSTERS VS. ALIENS
Rating: PG for sci-fi action, some crude humor and mild language.
What it’s about: The government has the monsters locked up until the aliens invade and we need monster help.
The kid attractor factor: Three-D animation, big sight gags, a few kiddie-gross moments.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Don’t let someone else lower your expectations or limit your possibilities.
Violence: Pretty serious “sci-fi” action brawls.
Language: Mild.
Sex: None at all.
Drugs: None.
Parents’ advisory: Adults will recognize the old horror movie creatures mocked in this fun-for-the-whole-family sci-fi mashup.
NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: BATTLE AT THE SMITHSONIAN
Rating: PG for mild action and brief language.
What it’s about: The exhibits from New York’s Museum of Natural History, displays that come to life, are moved into storage at the Smithsonian, where all heck breaks loose.
The kid attractor factor: Stiller and monkeys and octopi, oh my.
Good lessons/bad lessons: When it comes to making a living, earn it doing something you love.
Violence: The threat of death, a lot of spears, a decent brawl, no blood.
Language: The “D-word,” used sparingly.
Sex: Amelia Earhart was quite the kisser, apparently.
Drugs: None.
Parents’ advisory: Very much a kids’ movie, with a little history and “Let’s go to the museum” mixed in with the laughs, slapstick and special effects.
STAR TREK
Rating: PG-13 for sci-fi action and violence, and brief sexual content.
What it’s about: The young men and women who crew the Starship Enterprise meet and have their first Earth-saving adventure in this prequel to the TV show and movies.
The kid attractor factor: Space battles, funny creatures.
Good lessons/bad lessons: First impressions aren’t everything.
Violence: Quite a bit, a couple of memorable deaths.
Language: Some profanity.
Sex: Pursued if not consummated.
Drugs: Alcohol is consumed.
Parents’ advisory: The jokes are aimed more at parents who remember the Trek saga, but kids of all ages should enjoy the action, the setting and the banter.
TAKEN
Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of violence, disturbing thematic material, sexual content, some drug references and language.
What it’s about: Naive high school girls travel to Paris and are kidnapped, with ex-CIA agent dad of one their only hope of rescue.
The kid attractor factor: Action, and lots of it.
Good lessons/bad lessons: Be “aware” and “focus” when you’re in a strange land. And don’t get picked up by strangers, even if they are “hot.”
Violence: Lots and lots of it.
Language: Not much profanity.
Sex: “Sexual content” in this case means sex-slave trade.
Drugs: Girls are doped up to make them compliant.
Parents’ advisory: Pretty rough stuff for anybody under 15.
TERMINATOR SALVATION
Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi violence and action, and language.
What it’s about: John Connor and the human resistance begin their war against machines in this “Terminator” prequel.
The kid attractor factor: Humans vs. killer robots. Stuff blows up.
Good lessons/bad lessons: If we behave like machines, then what is the difference between humans and machines?
Violence: Almost non-stop, with an impaling, shootings, but very little blood.
Language: The machines haven’t completely banned profanity.
Sex: None, despite the presence of Moon Bloodgood.
Drugs: None.
Parents’ advisory: As violent summer popcorn movies go, this one is “Transformers” tame. Suitable for 12-and-up.
UP
Rating: PG for some peril and action.
What it’s about: Cranky old man and chatty little boy float into great adventures in a house suspended from balloons.
The kid attractor factor: Two words _ “Disney” and “Pixar.”
Good lessons/bad lessons: The real adventure is the life you live while waiting for your “big” adventure.
Violence: Dog attacks, dogfights, shots are fired.
Language: Disney clean.
Sex: None.
Drugs: None.
Parents’ advisory: A winning blend of sentiment and whimsy that parents won’t mind taking the 10-and-unders to.
X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE
Rating: PG-13 for intense sequences of action and violence, and some partial nudity.
What it’s about: The almost immortal Canadian known as Wolverine wins his metal claws in this prequel.
The kid attractor factor: Shoot-outs, sword fights, knife fights, sideburns.
Good lessons/bad lessons: “We all get a choice” whether to do good or ill.
Violence: Not quite non-stop, but almost. Somewhat graphic, too.
Language: Some profanity.
Sex: Nudity, sexual situations.
Drugs: Alcohol is consumed.
Parents’ advisory: A bit harder and grislier than the early X-Men movies, but OK for 12 and up.
— Roger Moore | The Orlando Sentinel
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