What’s really ‘normal,’ anyway?
My 12-year-old daughter and I had our first real showdown last week. As with most tweens and teens, it was over how she looked. Before you think blue hair or a tattoo, let’s just say things got a little hairier than I wanted.
Specifically, Kate has been adamant about not shaving her legs. Armpits were an easy sell after a few whiffs of her own odor, but she had stubbornly refused to remove what resembled fur on her lower legs. When paired with her usual wardrobe of soccer shorts and baseball-sleeved T-shirts, she was starting to look like a boy. When she would wear a skirt to church or to a family function, she looked ridiculous. But that’s just my opinion – which doesn’t count for much when you’re a tween.
In the end, I declared a small victory by getting her to agree to use Nair in the summer and doing nothing when pants are the uniform of the day.
Then we went to the beach, and I second-guessed my decision. How can I reinforce my model of hygiene and appearance when people everywhere are flaunting their tattoos, tans and tushes?
We saw people of all body sizes and shapes, in various states of undress, sporting whole art galleries and jewelry stores on their bodies. Personally, I will never get a tattoo, pierce my tongue or put a skimpy bikini on a body that’s birthed five babies. Then again, that’s coming from someone raised by a mother who wouldn’t even take out the garbage without first putting lipstick on.
So what if my daughter has hairy legs? Is anyone even looking at her? If they are, why do I even care what they think? If it didn’t bother her, why did it bother me?
Because I want her to be “normal” – something I don’t even know how to define any more. Kate doesn’t want to pierce her ears or wear makeup even though most girls her age already have. She doesn’t care where her clothes come from or what’s in fashion because she just likes her own comfortable, sporty style. She just wants to be her natural self – self-confident, not self-conscious.
How can I argue with a girl who’s actually happy with her looks and she sees no need to “improve” on them at all? Kate doesn’t need society’s approval to define her self-worth.
That’s a definition of “normal” I can live with.
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I think you’ve come to the right conclusion. I was a lot like your daughter when I was a teenager. I never wore makeup (not until I was 40 and now just a bit of mascara and maybe some blush) or painted my nails and still don’t have pierced ears. Life is much simpler (and less expensive, I might add) for me that way. My sisters still can’t believe it when they see me with nail polish on my toe nails – I still don’t wear it on my fingernails. If your daughter is happy, then that’s the most you can ask for.