Black Hawk moms, you are clear to land
In this month’s Parents magazine, there is a great article about “Helicopter Moms.” I loved the title first of all and then realized that I am one . . . to a certain degree. Helicopter Moms hover over their child(ren) and intervene at any perceived injustice.
The article breaks down the different styles of the helicopter mom: coddler, clinger, cheerleader, crammer and just too cautious. And let’s just say right now there are plenty of Helicopter Dads, grands and other adults, so this is not limited to moms alone. You can probably imagine each of these on the playground, at play classes, even in your own backyard where kids are released to interact.
Intervention is important when safety is at risk. I feel like I’m the fairness and equity queen of the sandbox at times. I’m not proud of this title. So who’s to say what is the right way to handle a situation when kids are in conflict?
I know I need to channel my patient, quiet and calm voice, use my positive words and promote problem solving through my own actions. I have two kids at different ages and stages. When a fight starts between them, they tend to veer toward loud shrieking and then stomping off. This is telling me we have some things to work on. Key words I need to work on are discussion and sometimes negotiation. As I look at the way my kids handle conflict, I realize this is how I can help them. I’m trying to see these problem situations as learning opportunities for them and me.
The bottom line is that kids need to navigate through life . . . see the little bumps and get through those so they will be prepared for bigger challenges later. A child who has a solid (not inflated) sense of self and is equipped with problem-solving strategies will yield a confident citizen of this world. So if you are one of those who hover and coddle, back off. It’s time to let them hang out there a bit and see what happens. They need the practice and frankly so do you. Safety is always first in my mind, but turbulence along the way will allow for their own growth and development.
And so I ask you how do you handle conflict between your children?
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I think you’re on the right track in teaching your children how to work things out – constructively – on their own. Some intervention might be required, but instead of solving all their conflicts, you’ll better serve them by teaching them how to deal with their own problems. As far as “helicopter parents” in general, we all want to protect our kids, but we don’t do them any favors when we don’t let them learn some things through trial and error. It’s hard to watch them fail, but they will generally learn more from failure than by their parents always stepping in to make life easy for them. Of course, that’s with your caveat about safety.