Take a pass on passing judgment
The Family Ties Parents Panel is taking a short holiday break. This month, enjoy a few previously published posts. Originally posted Feb. 10, 2009, by Denise Dunn.
As my children get older, they face challenges on a regular basis. As parents, my husband and I can only hope we’ve given them the tools to make good choices. One of the things I hope to have passed along is the importance of not judging people.
One day, a friend of one of our children was with us in Wal-mart. We passed a man who had tattoos on both arms that twisted up his neck. The young girl whispered, “He must be a drug addict. Look at all those tattoos!”
I whispered, “That doesn’t mean he does drugs. Let’s talk about it in the car.”
Once we were seated in the car and our bags were safely tucked away, we talked about this quiet young man. “Why do you think he does drugs,” I asked.
“Because he has all those tattoos,” she replied innocently.
“Just because he has tattoos doesn’t mean he does drugs. Without knowing him, it’s really not right to judge his character.”
Then there’s the time a fellow third-grader was getting into a lot of trouble. He was quick to get angry and act out in the classroom. Many of the children in his class began talking about him behind his back and making comments about how bad he was. He was even suspended from school.
Later we found out his parents were divorcing and there was violence in the home. Although his behavior was bad, what he really needed was compassion.
We are living in a time of great stress. I hope we can all understand that everyone has his or her own challenges. If someone chooses to cut you off on the road and give an international symbol of disrespect, try not to let it get under your skin. That reckless driver may have just lost a child or a job.
Your children are watching. Let’s pass along the lesson of compassion and empathy to our children.
Have you judged or been judged wrongly? How did you explain it to your children?
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