What can we learn from Jenny Sanford and Elin Woods?
Going through a divorce is a deeply painful experience. If there are children involved, it multiplies the pain exponentially. While a spouse is dealing with anger and disappointment from whatever broke the marriage, they’re also managing profound feelings in their children. One of the hardest parts of this emotionally charged time is deciding what to share and how to share it with your kids.
There have been a number of celebrity marriages in trouble lately, namely the Sanfords and Woods families. In reading about Jenny Sanford’s experience, we have an inside account of what happened. In her defense, we have this information as lurid details from e-mails and other sources were revealed early in the journey. Sadly, her children were also exposed to this information.
Jenny Sanford was quoted in The State newspaper on Feb. 7 as saying she wrote a book, “Staying True,” about her experience for, “women also struggling with life’s unexpected twists and her sons so that they could hear her side of the story and know she has always put them and her Christian faith first.” She also shared a private conversation when she explained her husband’s affair to their four boys.
I have great respect for how she’s handled this life-changing experience. Although she wasn’t able to keep the affair private, she has chosen to be honest and open about an ugly part of their lives. This is very different from how the Tiger Woods transgressions have played out.
Tiger Woods slipped out of the limelight and his wife, Elin, has chosen to remain quiet. To my knowledge, she hasn’t spoken publicly about the details of her husband’s infidelities nor their broken marriage. When I was going through a divorce many years ago, I, too, chose not to share private information. I was also very careful not to speak negatively of my daughter’s father, particularly to my daughter.
Jenny Sanford and Elin Woods have unique experiences due to their level of celebrity. I believe both women are phenomenal mothers, and it’s impossible for us to judge either of them. I wonder, though, for those of us not in the public eye, if perhaps the open approach is more appropriate these days.
Should children of a divorce know when vows have been broken? For those of us not living a public life, is it better to be honest and forthright or is it better to withhold a parent’s pain from the children?
I am reading Jenny Sanford’s book and it is very well written and offers insight into the way to handle bumps in the journey of a marriage. I applaud Mrs. Sanford for sharing her experience in an effort to help each of us with similar situations. I wish her the best. I am not sure which is worse – a husband telling the world about his soul mate and it isn’t his wife or a husband that has bedded close to two dozen women, many at the same time. Tigers women were mistresses, hookers, paid escorts and paid sexual partners. Pretty classless to be sure. Tiger’s wife is one classy lady and at her young age has much to process. I believe she could learn much from Jenny Sanford. Both men broke the most sacred of vows and threw away what should be the most important relationship of their lives. I wish the wives the best.
If you are greedy and stupid you get what you deserve. That is what most people have learned from the Ice Princess and the half baked clam golfer.
You write, “I wonder, though, for those of us not in the public eye, if perhaps the open approach is more appropriate these days.
Should children of a divorce know when vows have been broken? For those of us not living a public life, is it better to be honest and forthright or is it better to withhold a parent’s pain from the children?” Not sure whether you intended it, but it sounds as if you credit Jenny Sanford more than the Woods family. The Sanford children range up into the teen years if I’m not mistaken, whereas Tiger’s kids are toddlers, infants really. So Elin’s “openness” would only be for the voracious gossip-consuming public, not for the benefit of her children. For that matter, Jenny Sanford didn’t need to write a book to explain things to her children.
Openness with your children is a good thing, but we should all trust our inner instincts more in dealing with family issues, or at the least look to role models within our closer community (family, neighborhood, church, etc.) rather than look to celebrities for any influence, positive or negative. Tiger Woods’ marital problems are most certainly none of our business.
You ask, “what can we learn from Mrs. Sanford and Elin Woods?”… much! We can learn the two extremes in the same situation.
We can learn that this is a VERY private matter that SHOULD have been left between husband and wife – and allowed to mend, but instead the world has been allowed to peer into a VERY private matter. We praised Mrs. Sanford on the onset and pushed her up the ladder of grace as she suffered mightily as Gov. Sanford made a fool of himself and her in public. Was it too much for most women to take, yes, then again we have Elin to consider…don’t we?
True forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do – and Mrs Sanford has said time and time again that she has done this with Gov. Sanford – and I pray that she has – I have not heard one word from Elin on the matter – but her actions speak louder than words… and I have to beleive that Tiger has found forgiveness somewhere…
This day and age we take marriage vows SO lightly – it is a covenant made before God… have we forgotten THAT? I do beleive we have… and even if we completely stop loving our mates, we are to stay in the marriage (chew on that for a moment – yes, it is a COVENANT PLEDGE made before GOD.. and it is not about YOU!-one day we are all going to wake up and realize that)…we enter into contracts for homes more seriously than we do marriages these days…
We learn that there are scores of women who are willing to steal another woman’s husband.
Absolutely, these husbands are selfish pigs; however, I’m troubled by society’s willingness to overlook these “other” women.
Why do these women get a pass; why are their actions not equally condemned? Do the transgressions of women count less than those for men…?
Seriously, are women not as responsible for their actions as are men? …just asking?
We learn that this kind of garbage is more important to our media watchdogs than the looting of our US Treasury in broad daylight, and if it is also more important to the public, then the public gets what it deserves.
Feb 10th, 2010 at 3:28 pm
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Feb 18th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
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